Dear Duchess,
You're doing a great job as a new royal, but could I ask you to please listen to Vivienne Westwood. If you haven't heard, she was just quoted in The Sunday Times about your sartorial misses; "I think she's got a problem with eye make-up. The sharp line around her eyes makes her look hard. Either she should be smudgy or wear none".
I know you say don't want to be a clothes horse, but losing half your body weight in a year has kinda made me suspicious. Let's make a deal; if you won't eat, will you at least put down the black kohl eyeliner and pick up a darker lipstick? That black ringed eye and pale lip is just not working.
Best wishes
Busybody of Shanghai
ps. Could you pass the message on to Pippa and your mum too.
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